Who Needs a Counselor Anyway?

Who needs a counselor is kind of like asking who needs a teacher. If you are born again, it is true that you have the Holy Spirit as a counselor and a teacher. But it is also true that God still kept teachers in place even after He left us the Holy Spirit. Just like a teacher or preacher is the one who usually studies the word, and tries to gain expertise in understanding, so also does the counselor become the expert in the area their area of concern. Many times, due to the unclear thinking, confusion and sometimes delusion that is involved with addictions, a person needs outside help and tools to overcome. I have counseled many people who have read their Bible and prayed for years, but never had victory over their addictions. Like wise, I have counseled some who, after uncovering a few root causes, and passing on some keys that were new to them, eventually overcame their addiction. It is not a weakness to need help. It is humility to ask for it."Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?" declares the LORD. "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word." Isaiah 66:2

Who Needs a Counselor Anyway/

Let's Party

Often, when people indulge in substance abuse, it's referred to as "partying". God created us to party, but not with harmful substances.God has built in many times and season to party, celebrate, sing, dance and be joyful. Soon, it will be time for the Holy Feasts. Wherever you are in life, think about indulging yourself in "partying", by celebrating the Festivals this Fall.God know what you need and He knows you need to party. Fulfill yourself in Him, rather than the artificial,empty substances, and temporary pleasures, that only lead to destruction in the end.

Know what's inside

Right now there is much grief over our Country. When a Country is in trouble, and needs repair, God calls his people to grieve, mourn, fast, and pray. Don't stuff it in, get it out. Emotions need to be expressed. Many of the people I counsel aren't even aware of what their emotions are, therefore, they cannot express what they do not know.
A good way to find out what you're feeling is to sit before the Lord and ask him to reveal it. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
Psalm 139:4. The Lord already knows, but you also need to know what is going on inside in order to bring it back out to Him. This is one more way to avoid stuffing feelings that lead to destructive addictive cycles.

Pour it out

Pour it out. When we don't pour out what is inside, we either become stagnate or toxic. When we become stagnate or toxic, we try to mask what's going on inside through other mind altering substances or activities.
Pour it out just like the psalmist did. If you can't get out your own feelings in a psalm then pick a psalm that you identify with and speak it out for yourself.
For example: Psalm 6 6 I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. 7 My eyes grow weak with sorrow; they fail because of all my foes. 8 Away from me, all you who do evil, for the Lord has heard my weeping. 9 The Lord has heard my cry for mercy; the Lord accepts my prayer.
This Psalm, like so many, identifies, feelings of despair, sorrow, and ultimately hope. So get your pen and paper and pour it out to the One who hears and cares.

Fill up

Ephesians 5:18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. The more we fill ourselves with the Spirit, the less will fill ourselves with wine or any other substance. So fill up on all God has to offer and watch the other cravings become less to none.

Keys to Balance

Imbalance in life causes imbalance in emotions which can lead to masking emotions through addictions of various sorts. In the Jewish lifestyle, we can see a balance that Western Society does not have. For example;
Nehemiah 8:11 says,
"So the Levites calmed all the people , saying, "Be still, for the day is holy; do not be grieved ." 8:12 All the people went away to eat, to drink, to send portions and to celebrate a great festival, because they understood the words which had been made known to them."
There was a time to celebrate rather than grieve. But very soon after celebrating, it was a time for repentance and mourning. Nehemiah 9:1 "On the twenty-fourth day of the same month, the Israelites gathered together, fasting and wearing sackcloth and having dust on their heads."
Most of us live in a society where balance does not exist. In order to avoid and/or overcome addictions, it is up to us to follow the biblical principles of balance by
pursuing God's design for the full range of emotions to be expressed.

Stages of Grief

Whether you are grieving a job loss, saying goodbye to your drug of choice,going through a death of dreams, or death of a loved one or friend, these stages of grief are helpful to know. Above all, remember that you are not alone.
For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.2 Corinthians 1:5

Stages

1) Denial:

* Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of situations and individuals that will be left behind after death. [1]

Example - "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."

2) Anger:

* Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy. [1]

Example - "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"

3) Bargaining:

* The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the person is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just have more time..." [1]

Example - "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."

4) Depression:

* During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect themself from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer an individual up that is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed. [1]

Example - "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die . . . What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"

5) Acceptance:

* This final stage comes with peace and understanding of the death that is approaching. Generally, the person in the fifth stage will want to be left alone. Additionally, feelings and physical pain may be non-existent. This stage has also been described as the end of the dying struggle. [1]

Example - "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."


Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to people suffering from terminal illness, and later to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). [1] This may also include significant life events such as the death of a loved one, divorce, drug addiction, or an infertility diagnosis. Kübler-Ross also claimed these steps do not necessarily come in the order noted above, nor are all steps experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two. Often, people will experience several stages in a "roller coaster" effect - switching between two or more stages, returning to one or more several times before working through it. [1] Significantly, people experiencing the stages should not force the process. The grief process is highly personal and should not be rushed, nor lengthened, on the basis of an individual's imposed time frame or opinion. One should merely be aware that the stages will be worked through and the ultimate stage of "Acceptance" will be reached.

Seize the moment

Today is a brand new day to receive healing so seize the moment
Isaiah 40:31 Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.

Take Time for House of Mourning

When a loved one died, the Jewish tradition was to have a time called Shiva. It was a seven day period that the mourner stayed in their home to purposely grieve. To go to a house of Shiva, was to to a house of mourning and that was the entire focus. It was to dive in and immerse themselves in their grief rather than suppress it or run from it. When a person does not go to the house of mourning (grieve their losses), they are more likely to go to the house of pleasure(various forms of escape). Whatever your loss may be, give yourself the gift of taking time to mourn. Mourning for a little while can help you avoid other unnecessary grief for the rest of your life.
The mind of the wise is in the house of mourning, While the mind of fools is in the house of pleasure.
Ecclesiastes 7:4

For those who want to overcome

When we learn to grieve, we learn to purge the pain. Tears are like the healing waters that God designed to cleanse the soul. There is so much to say about grief and I am excited to impart more of the God given remedies that will help you to be an overcomer!