Who Needs a Counselor Anyway?

Who needs a counselor is kind of like asking who needs a teacher. If you are born again, it is true that you have the Holy Spirit as a counselor and a teacher. But it is also true that God still kept teachers in place even after He left us the Holy Spirit. Just like a teacher or preacher is the one who usually studies the word, and tries to gain expertise in understanding, so also does the counselor become the expert in the area their area of concern. Many times, due to the unclear thinking, confusion and sometimes delusion that is involved with addictions, a person needs outside help and tools to overcome. I have counseled many people who have read their Bible and prayed for years, but never had victory over their addictions. Like wise, I have counseled some who, after uncovering a few root causes, and passing on some keys that were new to them, eventually overcame their addiction. It is not a weakness to need help. It is humility to ask for it."Has not my hand made all these things, and so they came into being?" declares the LORD. "This is the one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit, and trembles at my word." Isaiah 66:2

Know what's inside

Right now there is much grief over our Country. When a Country is in trouble, and needs repair, God calls his people to grieve, mourn, fast, and pray. Don't stuff it in, get it out. Emotions need to be expressed. Many of the people I counsel aren't even aware of what their emotions are, therefore, they cannot express what they do not know.
A good way to find out what you're feeling is to sit before the Lord and ask him to reveal it. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
Psalm 139:4. The Lord already knows, but you also need to know what is going on inside in order to bring it back out to Him. This is one more way to avoid stuffing feelings that lead to destructive addictive cycles.

Stages of Grief

Whether you are grieving a job loss, saying goodbye to your drug of choice,going through a death of dreams, or death of a loved one or friend, these stages of grief are helpful to know. Above all, remember that you are not alone.
For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.2 Corinthians 1:5

Stages

1) Denial:

* Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of situations and individuals that will be left behind after death. [1]

Example - "I feel fine."; "This can't be happening, not to me."

2) Anger:

* Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy. [1]

Example - "Why me? It's not fair!"; "How can this happen to me?"; "Who is to blame?"

3) Bargaining:

* The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the person is saying, "I understand I will die, but if I could just have more time..." [1]

Example - "Just let me live to see my children graduate."; "I'll do anything for a few more years."; "I will give my life savings if..."

4) Depression:

* During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect themself from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer an individual up that is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed. [1]

Example - "I'm so sad, why bother with anything?"; "I'm going to die . . . What's the point?"; "I miss my loved one, why go on?"

5) Acceptance:

* This final stage comes with peace and understanding of the death that is approaching. Generally, the person in the fifth stage will want to be left alone. Additionally, feelings and physical pain may be non-existent. This stage has also been described as the end of the dying struggle. [1]

Example - "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well prepare for it."


Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to people suffering from terminal illness, and later to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). [1] This may also include significant life events such as the death of a loved one, divorce, drug addiction, or an infertility diagnosis. Kübler-Ross also claimed these steps do not necessarily come in the order noted above, nor are all steps experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two. Often, people will experience several stages in a "roller coaster" effect - switching between two or more stages, returning to one or more several times before working through it. [1] Significantly, people experiencing the stages should not force the process. The grief process is highly personal and should not be rushed, nor lengthened, on the basis of an individual's imposed time frame or opinion. One should merely be aware that the stages will be worked through and the ultimate stage of "Acceptance" will be reached.

Take Time for House of Mourning

When a loved one died, the Jewish tradition was to have a time called Shiva. It was a seven day period that the mourner stayed in their home to purposely grieve. To go to a house of Shiva, was to to a house of mourning and that was the entire focus. It was to dive in and immerse themselves in their grief rather than suppress it or run from it. When a person does not go to the house of mourning (grieve their losses), they are more likely to go to the house of pleasure(various forms of escape). Whatever your loss may be, give yourself the gift of taking time to mourn. Mourning for a little while can help you avoid other unnecessary grief for the rest of your life.
The mind of the wise is in the house of mourning, While the mind of fools is in the house of pleasure.
Ecclesiastes 7:4

For those who want to overcome

When we learn to grieve, we learn to purge the pain. Tears are like the healing waters that God designed to cleanse the soul. There is so much to say about grief and I am excited to impart more of the God given remedies that will help you to be an overcomer!

Grief related to addictions

Hello Everyone,
A topic that we will be covering soon is addctions related to grief. Many addictions are rooted in a lack of a proper grieving. This grief could be anything from a death, to grief over inevitable traumas and losses in life. God gave us keys throughout His word to help us cope with everything in life that comes our way. But if we do not know those keys found in God's word, then we usually end up burying pain and other emotions that need to be expressed in healthy biblical ways.
For example, Romans 12:15 says, Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. How often do we weep with those who weep? Since weeping can be uncomfortable, most of the time we try to fix that person and get them to stop crying, rather than weep with them.
But the result is supressed emotions that lead to other physical, emotional,, and spiritual problems.
A person who does not learn how to express pain usually does what is called, "self medicating." That means taking something or doing something to numb their emotional pain such as drugs, food , alcohol, or workaholism.
Finally, when a person continues to self medicate they wind up in a horrible cycle of addiction.
But God's word has the answers and I pray that the keys you find here will be helpful in bringing freedon from addiction. We will keep you posted :) with keys to this important topic in the days ahead.
God bless you

2 Corinthains 3:17 Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.